MAY I REMEMBER
through Anna Vandel
…
Oh my oh my
If you are reading this, then
I did pull it off
I published my website
I expressed myself
This is were I am at
In my evolution
In my growth
In my enlightenment station
In the journey of realising the awareness of my being
There were many stories that I had created
To live attached to the physical plane of existence
I allowed myself to suffer through those stories
I sometimes still do
Yet now I know there is another way
I can instantly and constantly choose to
Bathe in the Mighty Light of Love
In that state of awareness I can see all the constructs I have made
Of myself for this Earth
And for myself to learn and grow
To expand through the experiential evolution
Of my soul
And
For my soul
Intuition invoked a question within me:
“Will you listen me? I know you heard me.”
“Will you listen that spark of fascination? I know you felt that.”
My inspiration,
Invitation,
Invocation,
Intention
Is to flow with ease
To live my life experience in harmony with the ease
In constant active trust to and through the ease of flow
May I trust
Surrender to the energy that wishes to flow through me with abundant ease and joy
I drop judgement that keeps me captive
In illusion
I surrender what I think I am
I surrender what I think I want to be
Energy, show me
Who am I
Love All Mighty
May I express
What wishes to be expressed
May I discern
What is not relevant
May I just express through the ease of flow
This has been one of the main themes for my soul’s evolution in this lifetime - to just express without placing subtle judgement onto myself. I did not even know how deep-rooted judgement was within my psyche. Anna Soulfire Initiation purged it all out. At least the major part of it to show me, to make me aware that if I wish to go further in my self-realisation I need to drop, root out the self-judgement. My ego was burnt down to the ashes to give space for my soul to rise.
This judgement looked like this:
I questioned:
“Why is my intuition wanting me to act and paint those 1008 matchboxes?”
“This sounds unreasonable”
“I have my hat project I should be focusing on”
“This is just a distraction”
“Painting these matchboxes are not important enough for the world”
“What am I contributing with it”
“There is so much diverse things happening in the physical plane on the Earth and what am I doing here - painting matchboxes”
“Where will this take me”
These were painful moments I chose to live through
Although with every bit of that judgement that surfaced
I began to feel lighter
All that negative self-talk was out of me
I could see how I spoke with myself intimately in the hidden corners of my psyche
Regarding creation
Regarding expression
It was painful
Love All Mighty did not leave me alone in that journey. In the darkest moments I was guided to remember the joy, the ease and fascination that sparked that initiation of mine - to paint the 1008 matchboxes.
It is now one year and eight months since I started painting the matchboxes. It is now almost three years since I received that spark and message ‘make fire possible’.
The recent judgement I discovered was to see myself playing my soul into captivity again. It has been half a year that I have felt that there must be a set of words accompanying the matchboxes. I would write something and feel that this is still not ‘it’. I was looking that ‘it’ that would explain all the ‘why?’ regarding my project.
I could see my words that I wrote and the whole writing process brought insight into very many nuances and other levels that are relevant for me, not necessarily for you. I saw myself wanting to write to ‘make myself understandable for others’ and this is one of the pitfalls of an artist. I loose the nectar of creativity, of flow of ease when I start pushing the thinking ‘my ego mind would know’..
I could see my words to loose life
And then I surrendered
Another surrender on the path of expression
I wished:
“I wish my words to be alive, I am okay if they are to be imperfect yet may they have life in them.”
I surrender what I think should be written
I surrender what I think I want to be seen written
Energy, show me
Who am I
Show me the words
May they flow through me with ease
May this be my exercise in integration to let the ease of flow move through me
May I be of service for the words that wish to be written
To express with ease of flow - this is my integration
To listen to my intuition - this is my integration.
To learn the ways my soul speaks to me - this is my integration - most often my soul speaks to me in riddles, my soul knows I like to play.
To speak the language of my soul - this is my integration.
To speak is to share myself unapologetically, to share myself unapologetically is to dissolve the judgement.
I thought my reason to create must be bigger than to just create
I thought it must have a bigger meaning than just expression of oneself
To create
To express
To let oneself be seen through creative expression is enough
May I remember
…
This flow began to be written down on the 30.01.2025 around midnight and was concluded around 01:45am on the 31.01.2025.
I began to write down the words during my meditation. After my 1h practice I continued to sit on my meditation carpet.
I was listening.
I felt ease and urge at the same time to be present to catch the words.
And I did catch some words. Here they are.
Anna Vandel
This piece was originally written in English. I have also translated it into Estonian, my mother tongue, as a gift for my family and for anyone who wishes to read it in Estonian as well.
Read the translation in Estonian HERE!
